Mothering: On My Journey

My first and second posts I shared a little about my journey as a mother/parent. I want to dive a little deeper into this.

Let's start with a story:

King Solomon and the Bees:

(adapted, Fifty Famous People, James Baldwin, 66)

"Many, many years ago there lived a very wise king named Solomon. He knew all the flowers of the field and the trees of the forest; the secrets of birds, bees, ants and butterflies, where they lived and how they obtained their food. When people had disputes to settle they appealed to him, believing that he would tell them what was right.

The Queen of Sheba heard of Solomon's fame and resolved to visit him and make a test of his wisdom. She required the most skillful workmen in her kingdom to make a bouquet of artificial flowers, and so perfect were they that it was almost impossible for the keenest observer to distinguish them from the flowers that grew in the garden.

The Queen brought the artificial flowers and a bunch of natural flowers to the king and asked him to tell her which were the real flowers. Solomon was puzzled and realized that it was not easy to answer this question.

He caught sight of a bee outside the window and requested a servant to open the window and admit this welcome visitor. The bee at once made its way to the heart of the real flowers. Then the king said: "The answer to your question is plain O Queen; the strong and wise may learn from the smallest creature if he will but watch for its teaching."

The Queen said: "I have traveled far to learn the secret of your wisdom, O King, and my journey is not in vain. I am convinced that you are truly wise."

This story can apply to the amazing ability of children to observe their environment constantly (if they're not zombified by media). They aren't carrying burdens in their minds but are free to be in their moments and see things we miss. We as parents get to do life with pure and loving individuals.

Have you ever had the experience where you were rushing somewhere pulling your child along because they were looking around or distracted? I have.

There was a social experiment done in 2007 with Joshua Bell, world renouned violinist, who had sold out just the day before in a Boston theater. He played the world's best classical pieces for 45 minutes with a $3.5 million violin at a Washington D.C. subway station to see if anyone would recognize the quality of music. Only a few people did, and only one person recognized him. The other 1000 or so people either didn't have time or didn't even hear it. Of the several children who passed, ALL of them stopped to listen only to be pulled away by their parent. What are we missing in our busy lives? It's busy-ness (or business) of the mind. Responsibilities are a real thing. Let's just not let them take over.

(I got all the pictures in this post from The Libraries of Hope website. She has beautiful art posted there)

Kids have this amazing ability to observe their environment because they learn by copying. To my surprise I learned that kids can be great reflectors of our mental and emotional health because they mirror what they see and feel. They have a sensitivity with their environments and they adapt to their environments. At times when I would feel stressed the kids seemed to act worse. This compounded the moment.

We can use this to teach us what we can personally tweak to improve. When I figured out the kids were just reflecting their environment and the stress I was giving the environment, I was able to apologize and make a choice to change how I was treating those around me.

We as parents, set the mood. This knowledge was helpful and at the same time overwhelming. How many times have I felt overwhelmed, bored, or frustrated with my never-ending tasks and few breaks? How can I set a good mood while feeling overwhelmed?

Sometimes my reality can look like this:

Das Gewitter by Peter Fendi

When I become overwhelmed as a mother, instead of blaming my husband or kids, NOW I see it as an indicator to check what I have stewardship over.

My stewardships are: myself, my children, my environment (the home), and my relationships (husband, friends, etc.), my business.

Then I can evaluate if something's lacking. Am I taking care of some basic needs? Am I setting boundaries with my kiddos? Am I providing their necessities? Is my husband and my relationship lacking? (One time he asked me what percentage of my energy went to our relationship and my answer humbled me because it was so low. The marriage is a foundational relationship in the family and I needed to make some adjustments to give it more priority.)

I love how these pictures show moms doing their daily tasks with joy! Through some social media I've received an unrealistic expectation of what "successful" mothering looks like? Most of the messages we get on social media are "picture perfect".

When we take a mother's best moment that she shared and compare it with our "daily grind" moments, that's not accurate or fair.

Here are some more mothering pictures. Would any of these pictures be examples of success? Laundry, broken glass, ripped curtain, hard-working mom who looks like it, crooked picture on the wall, materially poor...etc. Look at the mother's face, and interactions with her kids.

How can I be this type of mother? I believe all these pictures show successful mothering! Mothering is a journey! As a mother we are asked to keep many balls in the air. As a result of frequent frustration while mothering, I've sought counsel from mothers I admired. I followed their examples.

All these mothers in these pictures are mothering in a different way and in a different environment. Who's to say which one is right or wrong? There's no comparing. So let's apply a nugget of truth that opened up my heart to receive some help.

These mothers display love for those around them. Love is foundational for all successful relationships. We'll continue to explore this in the next post. I wish you the best in your mothering endeavors.