"Never Enough" Mentality
- Charla Jessup
- Aug 13, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: Sep 6, 2023
Audio of my post:
The Dilemma:
For a society who is living in a day of abundance, many of us are walking around in a chronic state of lack. On the outside things seem just fine, but internally there is exhaustion, discouragement, hopelessness, confusion...etc. Sometimes it seems nothing can change this. The demands or emptiness are insatiable and never-ending. Do you ever feel discouraged with falling short on the expectations? The "never enough" mentality is exhausting. Perfectionism is: being stubborn in the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves. This is overwhelming and will quickly lead to discouragement.
Realization:
Recently I was feeling this discouragement. I just didn't have enough time. I was always falling short. I just wanted to throw my hands up and ask, "What's the point!?" My husband suggested I list all my to-do's. What were the expectations I was putting on myself? We then attached a time estimate with each item. These daily expectations I was putting on myself added up to a 36 hour day, and that didn't include any sleep at night. Wow!
The pressure I was putting on myself was put into perspective. Was every item on the list important? Yes. Would every item on my list improve my, my kids, or my husband's life? Yes. This was the confusing part. All the expectations were great things, but it was impossible to accomplish all of my to-do's. However, all the to-do's were important. I was stuck in the "never enough" trap.
How to Overcome "Never Enough":
Simple! Take out the "Never" and shift focus to "Enough". "I am enough. I do enough." Just saying that out loud is empowering because it's true. Wait a minute, that doesn't change my never-ending demands. There are 2 effective principles to apply here.
1) Get organized
Simply, write out to-do's and prioritize most important to least important. Just start. Putting a time to accomplish the task is super helpful. Your mind can let it go because it will be taken care of. It seems it's the endless list of things that need to be done rather than the actual to-dos that is so exhausting! I loved doing the paper planner rather than the phone, but with all the scheduling and coordinating I needed to do, it was harder to always have my planner exactly when I needed it. I switched to my phone and it's been easier to keep track of everything. With every appointment, I note what I need to bring or prepare. There are so many ideas with how to manage everything.
If you want to dig deep, you can look at Stephen Covey.
2) Speaking in gratitude.
Acknowledge what we want, and even if we "don't have enough" of it, acknowledge the amount we DO have. This is powerful with creating an abundant mentality. We get more of what we focus on, so focus on the good. The reason for this is, we become what we focus on. With this said, we attract what we are, not necessarily what we want. This is a process of becoming.
My husband and I didn't have what we wanted in our bank account. We started saying "Thank you" for what we did have and our ability to increase that amount. We acknowledged our blessings AND our expectations the bank account would increase. Our bank account was increased. It's not a magic formula.
Saying "I am enough" doesn't imply there are no more improvements to make, but it does give you permission to be on the journey learning and growing.
Such a great quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints:
"...we should not demean or vilify ourselves, as if beating up on ourselves is somehow going to make us the person God wants us to become. No! With a willingness to repent and a desire for increased righteousness always in our hearts, I would hope we could pursue personal improvement in a way that doesn't include getting ulcers or anorexia, feeling depressed or demolishing our self-esteem...
...while in mortality let's strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioral scientists call "toxic perfectionism"."
Let's stop "raising the bar" on ourselves as to make it impossible to achieve. Enjoy the journey!
Action:
1) List your to-do's and prioritize them.
2) Be grateful for what you have and thank God for what you want more of. Be aware of what you are speaking. Are you focusing on what you want more of, or are you focusing on your lack? In your dailies, look for good in the moments. As you're folding laundry, working, cooking...etc. look for the "thank you" in that moment. "Thank you for these clothes, good food, ability to clean, cook..etc"
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